


what a privilege it is to love

by artsyleo



Series: comfortember 2020 [10]
Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Dorks in Love, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Feels, Homophobia, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-10
Updated: 2020-11-10
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:35:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27498082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyleo/pseuds/artsyleo
Summary: comfortember prompt day 10 - cryingben and callum experience homophobia out on a date, and reassure each other afterwards
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Series: comfortember 2020 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1995826
Comments: 6
Kudos: 61





	what a privilege it is to love

**Author's Note:**

> tw for homophobia, implied use of slurs (f slur)

It's not exactly unusual to him. Fuck, its not even the first time since they've been together. Callum's discovered that as terrifying as it is, homophobia is just a normal part of his life now. So he can't work out why it's this time that it hits him the hardest. Maybe it's the stress he's already been under, what with starting a new job and reminding himself over and over that _ it's not going to be like last time _ , or maybe it's the fact that it's in their local pub, it's his home, somewhere that he should feel safe. Either way, it happens, and it won't stop playing over and over in his head-

_ They're sat closed into a corner booth, shoulders grazing while they drink because they can't bear to be any further apart. Jay and Lola had already given up and gone home, leaving just the two of them at the table, comfortable silence. There's nothing that needs to be said, not when Callum can't stop staring at Ben's eyes, mesmerised. _

_ "What do you keep staring at?" Ben laughs, a blush climbing up his cheeks. _

_ "You've got really pretty eyes, you know," Callum says and maybe it's the perhaps one-too-many drinks making him tipsy that gives him the confidence to say it, but he doesn't regret it at all. Ben laughs at him again, shaking his head a little.  _

_ “I think you’re a bit drunk, babe,” he replies, moving to catch a hand under Callum’s chin, and graze it across his jaw, which he leans into.  _

_ “Well, maybe,” he giggles. “But it don’t mean you don’t have pretty eyes, darlin’.” _

_ “Oh, ‘darlin’, hey?” Ben replies. “I think it’s time to get you home.”  _

_ “Mhm, give me a kiss first,” he says, and Ben can’t possibly say no when Callum closes his eyes and tilts his chin towards him, waiting - not that he’d ever want to say no, of course. He laughs again, and leans forward to press their lips together. Time shifts to a stop for a moment, just for them, and Ben couldn’t care about anything else right then- _

_ Until the moment that things start checking back in and he just catches the end of someone speaking behind them.  _

_ “-fucking disgusting fa-”  _

_ He doesn’t have to register the whole word before he flinches slightly, and anger’s pulsing through his veins in an instant. He pulls away from Callum, and he can see that he must’ve heard it too, from the way his face has just dropped, panic in his eyes.  _

_ It only takes that look for him to shift into action.  _

_ “Hey, you wanna say that again, mate?” Ben calls, shifting out of the seat to come towards the man sitting just next to them. He’s got a self-righteous smirk on his face and it only serves to make Ben more angry.  _

_ “I said,  _ mate,  _ you and your friend over there need to keep that to your own house, yeah? I don’t wanna see that when I’m just trying to have a drink,” the man says, squaring up to Ben without even standing up.  _

_ Callum must almost sense the way his demeanour changes then, because he catches Ben around the waist before he can lunge for the guy, and pulls him away.  _

_ “Leave it Ben, please,” Callum whispers in his ear, still trying to turn him towards the door.  _

_ “Yeah, I should listen to your friend mate,” the guy laughs, and Ben goes for him again, pulling against Callum’s arms. This time he feels Callum flinch against him when he’s pulling him away and he fights back a little less, so that Callum can push him towards the door.  _

_ Ben’s still seething when he gets outside, pulling out of Callum’s arms as soon as he lets him, running a hand over his face.  _

_ “Why did you hold me back?” Ben growls, and the anger isn’t aimed at Callum but like he always does, he takes it out on the innocent.  _

_ “Let’s just go home, please,” Callum almost begs him, and the anger fades just a little, enough to get rid of the cloud over his eyes enough to see the fear and panic in Callum’s. He nods, and they walk back home in silence.  _

-even once they’re finally back home. Ben collapses into a kitchen chair as soon as they get in, and Callum turns towards the cupboard, getting out a glass and filling it up at the sink. He places it down in front of Ben, and slips into the chair opposite him. 

“You okay?” Callum says, his voice soft, and Ben sighs. 

“Are you?” he says instead, because the look on Callum’s face worries him, the way he’s still clenching his fists together, the way there are tears brimming in his eyes. 

Callum shrugs, then sighs, running a hand over his eyes. “Sorry, sorry, I don’t know why I’m reacting like this.” 

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” Ben replies, a hand coming to rest over the fist that’s still laying on the table. 

“I forgot what that felt like,” Callum says quietly, so much so that Ben almost doesn’t hear him. The shame that’s in his voice and the tears tracking down his cheeks break Ben’s heart, because  _ fuck _ , he’d give anything for Callum to not have to go through this. 

“I promise you, it gets easier.” 

“It shouldn’t though,” Callum says, louder this time, and Ben understands too well the anger in his voice, the frustration at the world. “It shouldn’t have to get easier.” 

“I know,” is all Ben can say, because he’s right, there’s no denying it. There’s nothing else he can say. 

“I love you, Ben,” Callum says after a minute, and he says it like it’s the truest thing he’s ever said. “I don’t care what anyone else says. I love you.” 

It’s said like it’s the only thing that Callum can truly believe, and Ben doesn’t think he’s ever been loved this much. 

“I love you too,” he says, and he doesn’t even care about the way his voice is hoarse with emotion. It doesn’t matter right now.

Callum smiles at him, a cute, happy albeit wet smile, and laughs a little. “Mhm, now I want hugs.” 

“How could I ever say no to that, hey?” Ben smiles, and takes Callum’s hand, thumb rubbing over the knuckles gently. “Everything’s gonna be okay, you know that right?” 

Callum doesn’t even hesitate. “Of course. I have you.” 

“Soft,” Ben smiles, maybe to hide just how much those words mean to him. Callum smiles back though, like he knows. 

“Yeah, now take me to bed, I want cuddles.” 

“Of course you do.” 

“Oi, don’t judge my love of cuddles!” 

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” 

They fall asleep tangled in each other, knowing that every morning they wake up like that, they’ll be even more in love than the day before, regardless. 

**Author's Note:**

> i do not know where that extreme emotional love at the end came from but it happened and i have no regrets.  
> anyways!! hope you enjoyed this one, bc it was actually really interesting for me to write. comments and kudos mean the absolute world to me, and if you wish my tumblr is artsy-highway if you wanna come scream at me <3 stay safe!   
> leo x


End file.
